#fic: recursion

[streetlights-was-taken]

the Worst Possible Way™

re: tags in this post from the main blog. I have, in fact, thought of what a potential Worst Possible Way is. this is exactly the fic premise for RE:cursion and async/await (I have decided now to make them two separate fics instead of bunching them all in one fic).

huge major spoilers I guess. not that it's published anyway since it'll take me forever to write, but I guess if you found this post and want to read the fic in the future, uhhh. spoilers abound.

okay I don't think I ever actually wrote down here what the full idea for RE:cursion is, so I'm gonna take this opportunity to talk about it!

so! here's the thing. the Worst Possible Way for cheng xiaoshi to find out people lie to him, imo, is if the method he finds out makes him feel abandoned. it doesn't matter that the others didn't intend for him to feel that way. it's his primary trauma, and trauma doesn't think through logic. I think that's the only way he'll truly blow up and become an emotional mess. he's quite level headed otherwise and pretty mature (all things considered) when it comes to conflicts. see: post-earthquake arc with lu guang, bridon argument with qiao ling. so if the others decide to just talk it out with him, I believe he wouldn't be that mad.

but we love stories, and stories need conflict.

so! an example of the Worst Possible Way:

you are cheng xiaoshi, and your heart stopped at the river bank. ... and then you wake up. alone.

I'm using second person pov here but the story is mostly in close third person limited.

I've been thinking about this possibility for a bit. a person can die and sometimes they can be revived. what happens to their abilities when that happens? if they transferred it, does the ability get retained by the person who was revived, or the person who got it from them? and so on, and so forth.

but we're not talking about technicalities. we're talking about the emotional journey.

so imagine:

you drown. your heart stops. you "technically" die. your best friend panics and can't get you back, but he's been through this before. he knows what to do now. he quickly finds his backup photo — he's had this ready for a while. it's been a while for him; it's automatic now. routine, even. he doesn't have to doubt or think. it's instinct. he claps outs. disappears. someone gets to you in time and stabilizes you. revives you. you wake up alone. you don't know what happened, or why, but the facts are: your best friend isn't here. he left you to die.

"but streetlights, if you change the past then the present can't exist! the closed loop! the timelines!" I've thought about the logistics of it, it's okay. thank god liu xiao mentioned parallel lines.

"but streetlights, cheng xiaoshi would give him the benefit of doubt, surely?" in any other scenario, I agree with you. in this one? you don't think rationally when someone hits your trauma point. also the scene logistics are arranged so that cheng xiaoshi actually did hear the clap before he died (his heartbeat was there but too faint to get picked up by lu guang... not by someone else though). also liu xiao is there to control all the hospital scenes lmao. he's gonna make sure everyone sticks to my fic script. (he's such a convenient character to write).

anyway, so I'm still fleshing out the story, but man would that suck for cheng xiaoshi huh. he doesn't know what actually happened but like... it doesn't matter? he was left behind! he left! they all leave. he's known this since he was a kid, so he shouldn't have been surprised, and yet...! etc etc you get it. he gets a panic attack at the hospital. he eventually decides to "rescue" lu guang from the new (parallel) timeline he jumped to and bring him back to their home timeline (oof this one requires squeezing my brain to make it work with time travel rules, especially since they do stay past 12h in the new timeline. but I am. trying my best. I can make it work. this fic relies on a couple of axioms we just gotta accept to be true for the fic to work, like how lu guang is actually jumping to parallel timelines and it's the high five that has anchored cheng xiaoshi into his home timeline whenever he dives, which is why they never noticed. anyway, I still have to iron out the details, but maybe I'll post the technical stuff another time. devil's in the details and all that.)

so like. I think cheng xiaoshi in this scenario (cheng xiaoshi hopping into the parallel timeline lu guang is in to bring him back) is uniquely devastating from his perspective. his best friend has been time looping all this time. he understands why, of course he does, but... does he know cheng xiaoshi lived past his death? did the others xiaoshis live too? how many xiaoshis has he abandoned before him? and if he dies again, and lives again, will lu guang leave him again as well? is that their fate? cheng xiaoshi is trying so hard not to spiral here. he empathizes with lu guang, but can't help but feel resentful.

and like, this new timeline is kinda nice. it's peaceful. he can't blame lu guang for wanting a new home. but this isn't home, is it? he has to bring him back. but would he want to? would he believe him? he's seen him die in every loop, after all. etc etc.

so now imagine lu guang thinking he's keeping a secret from this timeline's cheng xiaoshi (the whole timeloop thing), meanwhile this cheng xiaoshi is also hiding a secret (that he knows and he's from the previous timeline and he wants his lu guang back). cheng xiaoshi dealing with both trauma and empathy; understanding and resentment.

so yeah. a potential Worst Possible Way :)

but all of the above are just like. the side story. the thing that happens before the main story. the actual main story is lu guang facing his psychological horror trip in the parallel timeline because:

his dive ability is not working properly (because cheng xiaoshi woke up, so the power transfer kinda gets fucked) and he doesn't know why. it left him with gaps in his memories, and he can't afford to forget anything because he has to have control over the timeline nodes

this timeline's cheng xiaoshi is acting WEIRD. he's extra clingy yet also distant. he's not supposed to know about his time travel ability yet (this is yingdu timeline lol, so it's their university years) but he seems to imply that he does? but then says he's just joking? he's taking an interest in lu guang's books now (??), specifically mentioning ship of theseus and temptation of thanatos and like. wtf is happening? does he know? how? and why does he seem sadder in this timeline... and like he's hesitant to trust lu guang sometimes but he says he wants to, or he doesn't think lu guang really means it when lu guang said he'll stay with him... what happened to this timeline's xiaoshi :(

I haven't worked out the RE:cursion scenes yet but I'm imagining a scene where they pass by emma and cheng xiaoshi just kinda goes !! and can't help but talk to her, and lu guang is like, "wtf, he's not supposed to know her yet? is this gonna fuck up the timeline?" and cheng xiaoshi simply tells him, "oh yeah, I don't know her, I just thought she was pretty. and kinda lonely." and they both know he's lying. does lu guang call him out on it? is he brave enough? he didn't question him in the yingdu episodes thus far, so...

lu guang just has an uneasy feeling that something is very wrong with this timeline. he doesn't know what, and doesn't like it at all. and the story is about the slow unraveling of this mystery, in such a way that it dawns on the reader first what happened, before lu guang puts it all together.

which is worse: to be the one that was left behind to die? or to be the one to unknowingly leave your best friend to die alone?

a timeline where you successfully moved past a death node and kept everyone alive, and yet you still left. the very problem you've spent all these timelines trying solve has been solved, and yet you still fuck it up so bad because you're so used to looping.

it's the advanced time loop problem. in a timeloop scenario, especially a self-inflicted one, you are prone to falling into the trap that "there's always the next loop." it's similar to what I did with my other time loop fic. to quote:

a time loop is a puzzle. it really is! often, the character is already stuck in some way before the time loop starts, and the time loop breaks when they either achieve character development or break the puzzle that is trapping them. I think lumine and venti approach the time loop puzzle from opposite ends. lumine regresses through her time loop. she becomes less connected to the world through it, and she aims for perfection that she can’t achieve. she starts seeing her friends as more like characters in an unskippable cutscene than as people.

in RE:cursion, lu guang is going through a similar arc like lumine. "there's always the next loop" is a dangerous statement to start thinking.

I also want to quote this tumblr post, which explains it better than I could.

Love a self-inflicted time loop. The main character isn’t trapped. They can stop whenever they want. But how can they when things aren’t perfect yet? They can do better than this. They need to try again. They can get it right this time. They just need to try again. They can stop anytime they want. Just one more time. They can fix this. They just need to try again. There are still things to fix. They just need to try again.

the horror is in this: what if you didn't need to fix it anymore, and yet you still loop? what if you start breaking things, instead of fixing them, because you're so deep into your timeloop mentality and grief? you grieve them while they're alive that you can't see them as living anymore.

and he knows. he knows it all. you don't know that he knows, but the fact that he knows will haunt the narrative. because this time, this isn't dream!cxs haunting your nightmares. he's real and he's right beside you and he knows. and he's asking, "is there something you want to tell me, lu guang?"

so. yeah! now imagine all of THAT as in interactive choose your own adventure fic. does it have to be in an interactive format? nope. but I think the horror increases tenfold in that format. the reader becomes a participant in the story. every choice they make is them consenting to see the next scene, even if they don't like where it's going. every choice they make means there is a choice they don't make, which carries its own weight as well. it's also like, standard butterfly effect stuff in text format. I just think an interactive fic is a very link click thing to do, storytelling-wise. like, paying homage or something. there's a lot you can do with unreliable narrators and such, and it makes the actual time looping feel extra fucked up.

anyway. yeah. the main story is primarily told through lu guang, but at its core it was always about a traumatized cheng xiaoshi. what can I say... I love to whump xiaoshi................

[improvapocalyps]

You have 90 minutes to complete. (original poem: r.a.)

In participation of the MCYT Recursive Exchange 2024 hosted by @mcytrecursive!

Inspired by know that all my love will be your breath (i will save you when your lights go out)

[text under cut]

1. Have you ever been in love? (Please circle your answer.) a. It's me and him b. Our hearts beat in sync c. Our lives intertwined

2. Do you understand what you’ve done? (Please circle your answer.) a. I couldn't do anything b. I lost my balance c. I doomed us both

3. It's been god knows how long since you felt phantom hands on your neck and there is no one in sight. If you were soul-bound to him and both of you died at the same time then why are you still waiting in the void? Please answer clearly, in full sentences. (Not a correct answer：I just wanted to see him one more time).

4. Define two (2)： Fate | The feeling of his forehead against yours Curse | The moment you realise he isn't linked to you anymore

5. True or False： i. It was your fault. ii. You wish you had met him under different circumstances. iii. You can’t regret a single moment that you had him. iv. You would do it all over again if you could. v. It ended long before either of you said anything.

thumbnails:

sketch cover thing for imgur link:

[froidefille]

Bound: Recursion by @tessacrowley

This is my very first bind. As in, the very first thing I have bound EVER. (!!!)

📇 Typeset, cheerleading and priceless technical support: @phoenixortheflame

🎨 Unreal, stunning art: @itsphantasmagoria

📔 Gorgeous front cover design: @cheriecherishchen

📚Bind: me!! #froidefillebinds is just one of those hashtags I am just SO proud of 😅

Thank you for the blanket permission Tessa!

Story time under the cut 🤍

Guys 😭😭😭

I've honestly dreamt of the experience of reading-fanfic-as-a-book for SO LONG. And when I saw Phoenix’s bind of this fic I just decided - yep, that’s it. I’m fucking binding that and reading it like a book that I bought at local bookstore because it fucking deserves to have this form and physically being on my shelf.

Why have I decided to choose a 100k+ work as my first project ? See, I didn’t ! It was stronger than me ! I just had to have it!

Counting the pages and figuring out how to print and (what’s the word for putting the pages in right order? Anyway, doing that) imposing has taken me days. Once I figured it out my printer has rebelled and the ink run out. OBVIOUSLY. But once I figured it out… The printing became totally addicting. Just one more signature 😅

Why did I think that 5 pages per signature would be perfect amount which resulted in 20+ signatures to be sewn in the very first binding project? I don’t know, okay. Mistakes were made 😅

Turns out I love the sewing and hate the fucking knots. Wax threads only from now on.

Glueing the spine was nerve-wrecking bc I hate the permanence of the glue in general. But I made it!

Designing the cover took me ages and I was this close to buying a circuit or whatever this fancy equipment for making gold cover titles is named. Thankfully, Phoenix helped me out with suggestion of a half bind and soon after that the case was done!

Glueing in the case… I miscalculated the spine height. And had one of the endpapers glued in totally all over the place so I had to rip it off and find a new one (ended up even prettier hihi). The case is still pretty uneven but hey, now I know, right? 😁

And then… I could take my book, which I made with my own hands, in my own living room. Which was actually gay time travelling love story and read it in a train. And by the sea on vacation.

I am hooked. Watch this space bc I am now addicted to buying all sorts of termoactive foils and pretty canvases and new pretty threads. And seeing fics come to live obviously 🤍🤍🤍

[itsphantasmagoria]

I KNOW I said the last one was the last Recursion fan art, but @drarrymyheart commissioned me to do the quantum entanglement scene and I came out of hiding to do it because LOOK AT THEM 😭😭😭

based on the fic Recursion by @tessacrowley ❤️

[as-snow-falls-on-desert-sky]

Sometimes being a writer is just listening to the same song over and over staring at the same 500 words for like 3 days straight.

[aurenflare]

im this close to sending the author a 10 billion word tumblr ask abotu this fic will they think im annoying 🥺🥺

[inanewmoon]

Art by Beedok! 💙💙💙

Today, not something Ranma related (I know, a bit weird, knowing my recent obsession). Last year, I wrote Shadow Girl of Mars, a crossover between The Martian and Naruto (Dreaming of Sunshine). Today, I have a cool commission from @beedokart to share with you, as well as some bonus content I just posted under the series. You can read the story here:

I considered it complete already, but the new bonus content now includes a few extra little scenes, some reactions from people back on Earth, and a list of Shikako's hoard.

[lectorel]

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Naruto (Anime & Manga) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

The mostly accidental courtship of Tobirama Senju and 'Nakano Uchiha', as observed by the resulting casualties.

(Or, two sealing masters, one new village, and more team seven luck than you can shake a stick at.)

[pixie-of-south]

“It’s a crush. It’ll pass.”

The anger on Harry’s face intensifies with outrage. “Don’t fucking tell me how I feel! If you just don’t want me in the way I want you, then say so.

One of favorite type of drarry

[salemoleander]

Brainfog // A webweave based on waiting for the fog to lift by Odaigahara

MCYT Recursive Exchange 2024 // sources under readmore

What is a webweave?

Previous art: Third Life | Void Falling | Attempt 33 | Martyn | Limited Life | Nightingale Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | singing songs to the secrets behind my eye | A Hundred Things We Had Not Dreamed Of | Solving Counting Sheep

Setpiece Clouds / @snailspng ◆ You're Home Free... Plaque / Jenny Holzer via @killyridols ◆ The Invader / Eva Funderburgh ◆ i walk in long loping circles poem / @erstwhilesparrow ◆ Connubial / Stephen Dunn ◆ Eight of Swords / Sarah Kipin via @thecollectibles ◆ Cat Island / Matt Schu via @nevver ◆ Detail from The Annunciation / Fra Angelico via @santoschristos ◆ I don't know why I'm wearing this button / Busy Beaver Button Museum via @skunkstripe ◆ Compass Ring / @snailspng ◆ Never Found Sign / @albatross-the-pen-chewer ◆ Occupation Helper Murderer / @screenshotsofdespair ◆ "Like it's my fault..." textpost / @mumblesplash ◆ Ethereal / Whitney Barkman ◆ Mountain Landscape / Caspar David Friedrich via @artschoolglasses

[streetlights-was-taken]

storytelling through "choices"

hmm I've been thinking about the role of "choices" in interactive fiction lately, and the many ways it can be used as a storytelling medium besides letting the reader choose what happens next.

as I'm writing RE:cursion, I am increasingly finding out that using choices to create branching paths in the narrative is actually the least interesting function it has as a storytelling medium. this is surprising to me! there's really so many other ways to use choices to tell the story!

I'm also thinking about cyoa in fanfiction specifically and how it incorporates the unique aspects of fanfiction, such as its nature of being a derivative work and the way each fic and reader go into a story with a shared understanding of canon but with their own individual interpretation of the characters.

I'll try to list all the ways I've been having fun with them while writing so far.

note that, again, I'm still in the very early drafting phase of this fic. I barely even started on the main story. so please ignore how some of these scenes are clearly underwritten and incomplete. I am in the "structural development" phase of writing, which isn't necessarily the same as outlining, but I guess kinda is. so the actual writing part, the fleshing out of scenes... I'm not there yet. I am also going to be using examples that are from cheng xiaoshi's companion story, not the main story with lu guang, since this is the part of the fic that I have to work out first. it is, however, the most spoiler-y part of the story, so. out-of-context spoilers below, obviously.

1. choices as divergence points

this is the most obvious example. you present two choices, and the story diverges based on which one the reader follows. of course, in the realm of fanfiction, both choices have to be plausible enough that it would be in character to choose either one. but also, in the realm of fanfiction, characters are often interpreted and re-interpreted over and over again, so I do feel like fanfiction has a unique perspective on this. what are branching stories if not fanfictions of each other?

2. choices as flavor text

I mentioned this in a previous post, but the idea is that the choice you follow changes the perspective of a scene, but it does not create separate branches in the narrative.

this is something I discovered last night while writing this scene in particular. it's hard to explain without going through the full context of what's happening in the story, but the basic setup of the scene is that cheng xiaoshi wakes up alone in a hospital room and is surprised to find li tianchen (and liu xiao) visit him. here, I present two ways for him to respond. in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really change what happens, just the how.

for example, in the second choice, li tianchen is a tiny bit more hostile and pushes cheng xiaoshi's buttons a bit more, so liu xiao kind of mediates the conversation a bit. it also allows for different conversations to play out. when liu xiao takes over the dialogue, he says things that make cheng xiaoshi compare him with lu guang. when li tianchen gets the focus, cheng xiaoshi kinda wallows a bit more over li tianxi and emma. the things that happen in the scene are largely the same, but different characters being in focus bring out different perspectives.

I haven't written out the scene for this particular one below, but it'll most likely follow the same principle:

3. choices that aren't choices

I'm going to show two examples here, one from lu guang's story and another from cheng xiaoshi's. they were deliberately written to mirror each other, since this is the point in both of their character arcs where they are confronted by their deepest fear. these are two different, separate scenes though; they don't represent different sides of one scene. cheng xiaoshi is about to go through a panic attack in the hospital; lu guang is just being lu guang in the sunroom lmao. like, despite the anxiety, lu guang is actually relatively stable here. he's just a scaredy cat.

anyway, the point here is that none of these choices are really choices. the next scene is the same regardless of which one the reader chooses. but this gives space for the reader to choose, for themselves, which choice is the most "true" for their interpretation of the character in this particular scene. it could be that only one of these are true, or all of them are true, but there is one choice that matters more above the rest.

this is interesting to write in fanfiction specifically. everyone has their own interpretation of the character. usually, the reader chooses to read a fic where their interpretation aligns with the author. but by providing choices, the fic is inviting the reader to input their own interpretation into the story. idk, I think that's really neat.

4. fake choices

this is more of a stylistic thing. for context, these set of choices show up in the scene directly after the one from the previous image. so you can see how cheng xiaoshi is at first in denial, and then now he's slowly rationalizing to himself. the use of choices to mark thoughts and to give the illusion of agency, and then taking that away by making them "unclickable" and striking them out, is something that I find really fun to do in this fic. it's like cheng xiaoshi wants these thoughts to be true, but he's getting to the point where he can't accept them as true. just as the reader cannot "click" on the choice and follow through this line of thought. the thought stops here. choices that lead to dead ends. or rather, choices that are themselves dead ends.

5. there is only one choice.

this is actually common in the cyoa text games I've played. sometimes there is only one choice. sometimes all you can do is continue.

and sure, this scene and the next didn't have to be divided. from a plot perspective, we didn't need to put a choice in between them.

but that's not the reading experience that I want. I want the reader to click on this choice. I want them to basically "consent" and say, "yes, I want to know what happens next, even though I may not like where this scene is going."

I recently read a writing advice where they say you can use sentence length to adjust tension. longer sentences build anticipation; shorter sentence quicken the pace. this kinda reminds me of that. that extra pause the reader takes to click on the choice adds something to the scene, whether it's tension or a sense of importance. you have to accept the direction the story is headed to continue.

6. choices you cannot choose

this scene is so underwritten lmao. I'm literally just outlining through dialogue here.

one of my favorites so far. I also used this in a previous example above (the one where lu guang isn't brave enough to ask cheng xiaoshi). yeah, the reader can't choose this particular choice. but now they know that it is a choice. that there's a chance it can be chosen, if not now, then perhaps in another read through.

it's also very apt for a show like link click, which is all about time travel. something something closed loops and butterfly effects. you get it.

7. choices for the unreliable narrator

I love the unreliable narrator trope SO much. so much. so of course I had to make it work with the structure of this fic.

at this point, in both scenes, the story has not revealed yet where lu guang is or what happened to him. cheng xiaoshi knows, but is in denial. he refuses to think about it, and he avoids talking about it in conversations. he is actively stalling this revelation from the reader. the choice is right there, but the character himself doesn't want you to choose it! the reader just has to sit here and deal with his rationalizations until he's ready to face his problems. it's like an active conversation between the character and the reader, without making it a reader insert.

8. choices with subtext

I like this because it's economical and lets me say more with less words. the "(don't comment on the tea set)" says a lot about lu guang's thoughts on the matter without me having to actually write it down. the "(lie)" in the previous example also achieves the same effect.

-

so yeah. I am really enjoying writing this fic. there might be other ways to use choices in a fic that I haven't discovered yet. hmm...

I think it also works very very specifically for link click fanfiction too. link click uses a lot of non-diegetic clues for the audience. for example, the changing eye colors are for the audience's benefit but the characters in the show don't actually see eye colors change. the way the bridon arc pv showed a different timeline from the actual episodes. etc etc. the use of "choices" in fanfiction is probably the closest I can do to achieve a non-diegetic conversation with the reader that resembles, or at least gives a nod to, link click's style of storytelling.

anyway. god. I actually can't believe I've written this much in a weekend. but I'm medicated again, which is fixing my executive dysfunction (I can do stuff now) but I'm still hyperfixated so. this is the result of that, it seems.

[torchflowering]

fics for @mcytrecursive have been revealed and come off anon! :D so hi @conscious-naivete i was your assigned gifter! 🎉

to anyone else who's interested: i wrote a direct sequel to avivakitty's A Knight in Spacesuit Armor, and i had a ton of fun! it's the most canon-compliant thing i've ever written. :D

check out the original fic if you haven't, and then read my sequel here!

[definitelynotshouting]

can i use the entrie worm trial thing for a social media fic i might right? If i use a post canon hunger au it might be the world finding out about it with this being a response or just a public reaction is the hunger au itself

i really like pov outsider

Oh absolutely!!! I love recursive work and this sounds like such a fun concept!! Knock urself out :]]

[children-of-the-red-queen]

@cotrk you should do it like @oopsallbenlie and talk so much about your fave ships & charas i can't HELP but come up with more ideas for it

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

Liu Mingyan Decides

Fandom: The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System, Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Relationships: Original Luo Binghe/Shen Yuan (not Shen Qingqiu), Liu Mingyan/Ning Yingying

Characters: Original Luo Binghe, Shen Yuan, Liu Mingyan, Ning Yingying, Sha Hualing, Little Palace Mistress (PIDW versions of the ladies as well), Shang Qinghua

Rating: T

Summary:

After a longer-than-usual absence, Luo Binghe returns, and Liu Mingyan immediately realizes that he seems...different. It's not a bad difference--far from it, he seems very happy--but it is surprising, especially in conjunction with the strange man he's brought back to the palace.

Or: a story in which Ning Yingying gets a ballpoint pen, Sha Hualing gets glasses, and Liu Mingyan gets a whole new lease on life. And also a tiger.

Notes: Ok so I wrote a sequel to Really Luo Binghe, because when you get down to it I'm addicted to metafiction. And also I really wanted to give Ning Yingying a ballpoint pen.

[delimeful]

What if wibar Virgil got sick? Nothing major, just something that would pass in a day or two.

What would he do? What would the others do?

there's actually a recursive fic exploring this! :)

Deathworlder Down by LadyoftheWoods!